Grief - You Have Changed Me
“Grief is hard. After losing someone so close, joy feels like an impossible dream.”
- Hailey Brown
Five years ago, my world was shattered when my husband collapsed at the end of a vigorous exercise. He never woke up. After being in the ICU for two weeks, I had to make the most difficult decision of my life. Holding my husband's hand and watching his heartbeat slowly fade after taking him off life support, and becoming a widow at the age of thirty-three, wasn't something I ever dreamed would happen to me. To add to the already heart-wrenching pain, I was eight months pregnant with our second child. Dreams of watching my two-year-old daughter grow up with a dad who adored her and of seeing the look in my husband's eyes when he held our baby son for the first time disappeared in the blink of an eye. I was numb with grief.
Grief is rough. The pain it brings may lighten over time, but it's always there, looming in the background. One moment, a widow is content. Then, seconds later, a thought or a memory literally– and I mean literally–grabs her heart and chest so tightly it is hard to breathe. Weariness overcomes her strength as she does her best to keep a public face. It becomes easier to stay at home and isolate herself from the world.
So many things trigger those moments. Snuggling up with her child as they read a book for the first time. Catching a whiff of her husband's favorite cologne. Watching her child compete in sports and seeing dads coaching their kids. The squeak of the garage door. A glimpse of someone who looks like her husband. Rolling over in bed and remembering he isn't there. Driving past the hospital where her husband took his last breath. All of these things, and so many more, drive the reality home that her husband is gone and she will never share the joy of her children's milestones with her children's daddy. As those realities come into focus, again and again, memories of her husband and all they shared feel like a punch to the gut.
On top of the grief a widow has to manage, many widows have children who need her love and support as they struggle with their grief. Single parenting is never easy, especially with the deep emotional wounds from the loss of a spouse and a parent. In addition, if the widow remarries, she is faced with blending her family with new family members who are dealing with their own losses. As a result, many families face depression, anxiety, threats of suicide, or misbehavior directly associated with the loss of the parent.
Grief is hard. After losing someone so close, joy feels like an impossible dream. Many widows struggle with feelings of guilt after the loss. They ask questions like, "When will this pain go away?" "Is it okay to feel happy?" "Am I going to forget my spouse?" "Am I disrespecting my spouse if I feel happy?" "How will I ever get through this?" "Will I ever feel whole again?" And more often than not, they are left with few, if any, answers.
After walking the last five years of my grief journey, I have learned that it is possible to feel joy again. And I believe every widow deserves to find that joy. But often, the distractions of everyday life get in the way. Those distractions need to be set aside for a moment to feel that joy again.
Setting aside those distractions for a moment is the reason the GHF Sisterhood of Grief, Happiness, and Friendship Retreat for Widows was organized from February 1 through February 5, 2022, at the Grand Californian Hotel & Spa at the Disneyland Resort. Whether the widows are single or remarried, we desire to give them a chance to rest from the stresses of life as they experience joy and create new friendships. From luxurious accommodations, inspiring and uplifting speakers, and delicious food prepared by the chefs of the Grand Californian Hotel to time to be together to laugh and connect while enjoying the Disneyland parks, we want to provide hope for those widows. As they relax and unwind in the Happiest Place on Earth, they will find a network of sisters who can support them and be there for them long after the retreat is over.
Many widows have reached out to GHF Sisterhood with a desire to attend the retreat, but a lack of funds keeps them from signing up. Donations to help these deserving widows attend this unique retreat will help them be a part of our GHF Sisterhood and would mean so much to them. Because of your kind generosity, their lives will be blessed as they find their joy and create a support group that will help them find support as they walk their grief journey.
If you are interested in helping a widow out this holiday season, please go to https://www.ghfsisterhood.com/give where you can donate through the website or through Venmo.
If you have a widow on your Christmas list that you would like to sponsor, please contact ghfsisterhood@gmail.com where we can make the arrangements to make that happen.
